Of Shoes, Stone and Grumpy Dress Wearing Wardens
by DoubleMMia
Summary: Leliana and Shale go shoe shopping in Orlais where they both deal with a certain Warden's hatred for wearing dresses. Especially when she could be wearing pretty, shiny armour. FemCousland/Leliana. Femslash.


_Why? Because I promised myself I'd do it. I love Shale. I love Leliana and I love my grumpy husband!Guinevere who actually is flirty and fun when she isn't forced to be wearing a dress. Alas. Leliana makes her do this sort of thing, it's not poor Guinevere's fault..._

_Oh and they are in Orlais, because I dunno. My Warden deserves a holiday, kay? Saved Ferelden and crap, so she wants a break. Shale is with my Warden because Leliana wants a shoe buddy (Shale is also pretty much my BFFL, so whatever). Orlais is no longer after Leliana because of plot reasons. That is all._

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Of Shoes, Stone and Grumpy Dress-Wearing Wardens  
**_(originally, the title was longer and better but alas, there is such a thing as a limit x_x)_

The Warden kicked a pebble away from her, wishing she had her velvet chaps on underneath this ridiculous dress so that she could dig her hands into the pockets to try to distract herself.

Shale and Leliana were stomping away in front of her; discussing the latest fashion of shoes that had sprung out in Orlais immediately when they had they arrived and as a result of staying in Orlais for a while, both the bard and the golem had decided that they would look for these shoes in every tailor shop they came across.

Guinevere still couldn't quite believe that the first thing she and Leliana had done together was go out and buy her a whole closet full of dresses of every colour, shape and size; some so long that Leliana had to get someone to 'measure' her to cut off the right apparent pieces so the dress wouldn't go 'frumpy' while others were so short that the Warden felt highly uncomfortable when going out with such a thing on.

Leliana had stored her armour, tunics, velvet chaps away (that were essentially very fashionable in Orlais) because the bard just didn't want her wearing the same old things over and over again while they were away.

It boggled the Warden's mind how she was letting her redheaded bard take control over everything, but Guinevere had learned that not everything was about her - meaning she would have to put up being in a dress until they returned to Ferelden.

Guinevere instead decided that she would have to keep kicking this little pebble along the streets of Val Royeaux until she found something else to entertain her, when this would happen she was not so sure but by Maker…She hoped it happened sooner rather than later.

"The sister has looked in every store we have come across and still not a cobbler who makes such interesting footwear as the sister has described." Shale seemed to be talking to Leliana, but the Warden could see very clearly that the golem was also looking out earnestly for any birds that were flying through the sky.

"But Shale! That is why it is so much fun! An adventure, perhaps?" Leliana pointed high up to the Grand Cathedral, the sounds of the Chant starting to make itself known throughout the market that they were walking through. "The Grand Cathedral hides a place we have not yet visited. Maybe a cobbler awaits for us there?"

Shale merely stared at the Grand Cathedral, shrugging her shoulders at its magnificent features. Completely uninterested. "Hmph, fine. But if this 'cobbler' resembles any bird-like features. I'll crush its head. _Squish_."

"I wouldn't if I were you, we're trying to keep a low-profile here." Guinevere called out from behind the golem, her moody expression had changed from a glower to a light-hearted smirk. "That, and more birds will most likely come."

"More?" Shale stopped to stare at the Warden, aghast. "More birds will come? Why? How?"

"They all have this connection y'see. Like mind telepathy!" Guinevere grinned, coming forward so that she was in between her bard (who was staring rather disapprovingly at her how her dress seemed to be ruffled from how much Guinevere had been tugging at the loose material) and Shale. "So, whenever one dies. They feel it and eventually they find who killed their 'cousin' and…Well…Image isn't pretty from here Shale."

"Ignore her Shale, she's just teasing you." Leliana broke into the conversation with a smile at the golem, however quickly averted her gaze onto the grinning redheaded Warden. "Aren't you _Guinevere_?"

"No. I would never lie to Shale about birds," Guinevere pulled at the dress fussily to at least try to look like she wasn't joking about the whole bird thing. It was simply for entertainment reasons. She was also in a dress. A dress that was green and didn't match her skin colour whatsoever. Hm. "I think it just a little bit insulting that you'd think I'd lie to one of my best friends. Who is also a golem. Who could also kill me with one hit to the head. _Tut, tut Leliana_…"

At Shale's hard, stony look that was being directed at the both of them; Leliana elbowed her fellow redhead in the ribs, subtly smiling at the change of posture that Guinevere had taken upon herself to hold.

The Warden was still such a knight even when she wasn't in her armour, that alone making her in the bard's opinion so, so…Appealing.

"So, my Warden, how is this dress faring for you? Uncomfortable?" Leliana tilted her head to regard the scowling redhead with amusement, giggling softly when Guinevere rolled her eyes at her.

"I'd rather Alistair beat me to death with a cheese barrel than wear this damned thing." Again the redhead tugged on the fabric. "It makes me feel so bare and unprotected."

"It would be assuming that the fabric it wears works like armour?" Shale snorted, earning a glare from the redheaded Cousland.

"Hey! Who's side are you on?" Guinevere grunted, folding her arms across her chest to glare accusingly up at the golem.

"Truthfully? The winning side."

"It looks like that Shale agrees with me my dear Warden," Leliana grinned, running a hand across her redheaded lover's face to push away any stray locks of hair. "You'll _have_ to stay in that dress until we get back to the tavern."

"Why can't I just wear armour? I mean, I _can_ look pretty in armour too," Guinevere groaned, glaring forcefully at her 'nice' purple boots. "It might even be better if I wear armour. So I can look menacing, just in case anybody particularly nasty comes along."

"Guinevere," Leliana smirked again, the sort of smirk that put the young Cousland on edge slightly. "Why do I need you to protect me when I have Shale?"

Aha! Now she remembered why she hated it when Leliana seemed to smirk that superior smirk that managed to stump her.

"I am also shinier than it, so to speak," Shale added with a deep chuckle, the sound causing the young Cousland to roll her eyes.

"I can be shiny too. When I'm wearing armour." Guinevere huffed, starting to feel even more self-conscious when a bunch of Orlais noble ladies stopped to stare at with such strange expressions.

Leliana seemed to see too and (to the redheaded Warden's delight) glared at them in distaste, scoffing when they finally away from them to turn a corner.

"_Jealous?_" Guinevere teased, ignoring both Shale's and Leliana's snorts at her accusation. Alas, she couldn't help herself. Leliana was too easy to read with that jealous streak of hers, though Guinevere didn't actually mind. She loved it.

"Me? How could you stand them staring at you like that? I…" Leliana didn't finish and instead threw her hands up in the air to signal her frustration at the whole topic.

"Hey, they just liked my dress. Not what was underneath it." Guinevere picked up her dress a little to skip ahead of her bard, grinning even when Leliana only scowled at her antics.

"I agree with it. Also, the noises it makes at night is unattractive. The sister should think itself lucky if it ever chose another." Shale quipped up with another chuckle, succeeding in making the bard smirk slightly.

"Maker, thanks Shale. You sure know how to help me out." The redhead grumbled to herself under her breath, quickly thinking a way to try and worm herself out such a difficult situation like this one…

"Aha!" Guinevere cried out, grinning at the plan that had formed in her oh-so-marvellous brain.

Skipping back over to the bard, the redheaded Warden grasped onto Leliana's hand with a sly grin.

"Well, greetings." Guinevere winked, deciding that if she was going to get on Leliana's good side before they reached the cobblers, then she'd have to put on the charm.

"Greetings," Leliana smiled, playing along to the redheaded Warden's game with a little shake of her head in disbelief.

"Sickening." Shale muttered quietly, breaking the conversation to stomp away from the two of them to look out for pigeons.

"Flowers?" Guinevere pressed on, drawing a familiar flower from the pelt that she had hidden underneath her dress (ignoring Leliana's disapproving wife-like look that she shot her when she pulled her dress up for all to see) to present it to the bemused bard.

"Shoes?" Leliana answered innocently, snatching away the flower from her Warden's grasp with a laugh that emphasised her Orlesian lilt so much that it surprised even her.

"Ah, moment ruined," Guinevere groaned, removing her hand away from Leliana's to slam them against her forehead. "You just reminded me about our shoe shopping experience."

"Alas," Leliana mocked her sympathy for her love with a teasing frown, before quickly stretching upwards to plant a kiss just below Guinevere's ear. "Do you ever learn?"

"What? Not to challenge you in the battle of wits?" The young redheaded Cousland shook her head. "No."

"Is it done with making such a fool of itself?" Shale called from across the opposite side of the busy high streets to the younger woman of the two.

"No! I'll be done in a few minutes or so! Stay put and keep away from birds! They're always around during midday!" Guinevere called back over, laughing wildly when the golem started to edge further away from the crowds.

She felt rather than heard Leliana sigh.

"You're going to need to put a new dress back on when we get back to the tavern," Leliana started to pick at her dress, getting rid of the rustles that had Guinevere had caused with her tricks. "The yellow one I think…"

"Yellow? Ugh!" Guinevere gagged, remembering how disgusting it had looked with her hair and skin; they had meshed together horribly too. "When do we go back to Ferelden again?"

"Once we get those fantastic shoes that I promised Shale we'd buy! So no tunics, velvet chaps you so adore and no _armour_ until we get them." Leliana reached up to pat her lover's cheek firmly; resisting the urge to laugh out loud at the grumpy look that had spread over Guinevere's face.

"…I hate it when you do that. Bossing me around. It hurts my ego," Guinevere pouted, making a grab for Leliana's mahogany curls to let her long fingers run through.

"Oh? Then our little secret of me dominating over you hurts your ego? Oh, I won't tell _anyone_…"

"Hey! You don't dominate over me, thanks."

"And yet, my sweet Warden, you are the one wearing the dress and I the one in tunic and chaps."

"What?" And sure enough, when Guinevere looked Leliana up and down, the bard was indeed not wearing a dress. "Why are you wearing a tunic and chaps when you don't even like those sort of things? Why in Maker's name am I wearing a dress?"

"Because it amuses me to watch you stutter when I'm right," Leliana winked, pulling on her Warden's dress in delight. "Now, to the cobblers!"

"I still can't believe I didn't even notice that…" Guinevere let herself get pulled along, hitting the side of her face with the palms of her hand to try and knock some sense into her mind. "How could I have not noticed that?"

"Too busy with the grumbling and moaning I assume. Such a moody woman when placed in a dress." Leliana said with a scowl, clicking her tongue when her Grey Warden grabbed her shoulders to pull her closer, making them face-to-face.

"I thought you said we'd be adventuring in Orlais!" The youngest Cousland argued, gesturing towards the market around her. "I didn't think we'd be going shoe shopping!"

"Looking for shoes is an adventure in its own right, my love." Leliana argued, shooting her companion the _look _that clearly said she was right in whatever they were arguing about.

"Argh!" Guinevere threw her arms up in the air to crisscross them behind her head like a cushion. "Shoe shopping has rights nowadays? Now that's just silly. Can't we just go crush something?"

"Shale?" The Warden growled when she felt a fist tap against her forehead, checking to see if her skin was soft and not hard as rock like Shale's.

"Hardy-har. Right. Fine. You win."

"Again." Leliana pointed out, her smirk lessening into a faint smile at the obvious irritation that was shaping the young Cousland's features.

"Oh for Maker's sake…"

"Frustrated, love?"

"Just a little bit. I suddenly feel like shouting about pigeons," the redheaded Warden sighed dramatically, pressing a hand to her forehead to emphasise more of her _emotional_ behaviour.

"Fine, fine…Why don't you wait here while me and Shale go to the cobblers?" Leliana exhaled noisily, gesturing towards the golem which had stopped to look inside a window; most likely admiring the shoes on sale. "Just…Don't cause too much trouble."

"_Me? Trouble?_ Ha!" Guinevere laughed, remembering quietly to herself how she used to go find Arl Howe's son Thomas just to throw eggs at him whenever he tried to capture her fine hound Fang. "I don't even know the meaning of that word. Trust me, I'll just stand here. Lookin' pretty and all. No need to worry about me."

"I trust you then my Warden," Leliana brushed her lips against Guinevere's for a second before pushing her back to race over to the waiting golem.

"Ahh…So I'm supposed to wait here. In a dress. With nobody but myself for company. Alas, such a sad life." Guinevere decided that if she had nothing to do, nobody to talk to, nobody to look at then the only decision was to slump onto the nearest thing possible.

Doing so, she realized that she had lost something quite precious to her when it came to entertainment.

"Andraste's flaming knickers! Where in Maker's name did that pebble go?"

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_Aw. It sounded so much better in my head. But I like it anyhow. I was originally going to add an ending to the whole thing with Leliana finally collecting her shoes but I thought. Nahhhh. And just for reference. If Guinevere wasn't my own character, I'd most likely punch her in the face :D But hey, nothing wrong with showing harsh love, right?_


End file.
